I am going to share a series of posts on the blog with stories behind the songs I’ve written. Since “Bumps in the Road” will be my first release (11.26.20), it only seemed fitting to start with the story of how the song “Bumps in the Road” came to be!
I’ve never been a binge watcher, or even a movie/show/tv watcher of any sort, but after a mental and emotional breakdown at work that led to my resignation and taking some time off… I gave in: I started binge watching for the first time in my life. I got hooked on a show, Suits. I’m really not even sure why I liked the show, but I did. And God really can work anything for good because, had I not watched this show, particularly Episode 7 in Season 8, this song very likely would not exist.
In the show “Suits” one of the main characters and his wife struggle with something no one ever expects to: getting pregnant. Despite how common it is (1 in 8 couples), infertility is rarely portrayed in shows, movies, etc or even talked about. This is true of my own life.
Most people actually don’t know my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 3.5+ years. At first we didn’t talk about it because I was embarrassed – I felt so broken as a woman that my body couldn’t do the one thing it was uniquely created to. I wanted to have 5 kids and be a mom by age 26 at the latest. Here I am at 29, and my life doesn’t look anything like what I thought it would.
“The many roads I’ve traveled led me to where I am, Some to my destination, while others changed my plan“
Over the past three and a half years, I’ve had months where I’ve literally cried every day (sobbed through literally a whole entire yoga class once and cried myself to sleep more times than I can remember). I’ve unfollowed pregnant people, avoided baby showers, thought horrible, bitter thoughts about other people who were experiencing what I only dreamed of.
Infertility is hard. And that’s probably an understatement.
A women’s fertility cycle becomes a cycle of grief. Your hopes are raised and then destroyed over and over again.
The couple in this show has one of those fertility journey disappointments – they thought they were pregnant only to discover it was actually a false positive on a pregnancy test. The life they were celebrating didn’t even exist.
When you experience hard things in life, you have a choice: you let hard things destroy your or you allow the hard things to make you better.
The man in Suits reacts to the bad news from his fiancé with these words:
“This is just a bump in the road – that’s all it is”
I think I was already crying when I saw her face, but when I heard that statement, it just resonated with me – that was the attitude I wanted to have about my own struggle to get pregnant. That it wasn’t a dead-end, just a bump – something to be overcome.
I sat on the couch for a minute crying & processing, then I jumped up and ran over to my keyboard and sang verse 1 and the chorus almost exactly as you hear them in the recording.
“These are just bumps in the road, time moving slow to go where I want to be”
While I believe this song will be relatable to many, for me, it’s a song about my journey to become a mom.
Thanks to God’s work in my heart and the community of believers I’ve found through Moms in the Making, a faith-based fertility support group, I’ve come to a place of peace with trusting God’s timing. I still don’t talk about this struggle to most people simply because they don’t understand and, as a result, say really ignorant or hurtful things (see note at the end for some examples of ways to respond and not!).
Even if this isn’t where I want to be on my journey, I do know this about the hard things in life:
Art work by @juliehillsphoto www.juliehills.com
If you have a friend who struggles with infertility: future reference, responses like, “Well maybe God just wants to adopt” (you just glossed over the entire issue), “this must be God’s plan” (I follow a God who is a giver of good things – infertility is not a good thing), or “Don’t worry about it! You’re probably just stressing (Yes, because inability to conceive is totally a mental problem that’s all my fault rather than a biological issue). Also don’t tell them what they need to do. There’s a high chance your friend has tried seed cycling, fertility smoothies, acupuncture, and a variety of medications and invasive procedures. If you want to share someone’s experience of what helped, just ask first. Your friend might appreciate it, but don’t assume they want your advice. The best response is empathy. “I’m so sorry. I have no idea how that feels. Is that hard for you?” Your friend will be so glad to know you care, and that, if they want to, they can talk to you about this struggle.
May this song bring your encouragement and hope in your own journey, friends.
Keep your eyes fixed ahead.